2018 - Adieu to the worst year of my life
Adieu to the worst year of my life
Adieu 2018 I won’t miss you a second - but will never forget you
It’s no secret that 2018 have been a fucking bad year - the worst of my life. Starting with loosing my mom back in March. No words can describe what goes through your head when you see your mom take her last breath. I remember the last 36 hours of her life like it was yesterday and that might be something I will remember the rest of my life. The following many months just trying to focus on something else, but frankly, there’s only one thing going through your mind. Many months with lonely nights crying myself to sleep. Wishing more than ever that I wasn’t single. Getting through the summer with high hopes, I was enjoying life somehow, actually feeling quite good. Getting new permanent contract at work with new responsibilities. A new member to the family came to the world, on August 13th which also happens to be my birthday my niece was born. I was dating someone and life was finally going my way - the dating thing ended a bit (much) unexpected. Around October I could feel that I was slowly beginning to feel sad again and with a lot of deadlines at work I began to feel burnt out, but I kept going and going. In December I realised that I had only taken around 7 days off work throughout the year, so of course it made good sense that I was tired and burnt out. Looking forward to the Christmas holiday - 11 days of complete vacation and no work at all…. well kinda, I still gotta post on our Instagram, but I’ve decided that I’m not gonna take any work related work photos during the holiday. Spending Christmas with the family but without my mom was strange…
2019 will be a better year & Things I want to achieve in 2019
It can almost only be a better year! But I need to take care of myself, I need to take more time off work so that I won’t get burnt out again. I already planned two vacations: In January my brother and I will spend a long weekend with my sister in London and at the end of February I’m going to Bangkok for a week. I need to focus on things that makes me happy and a better person. I want to spend less time in front of a screen. I want to start baking my own bread again, try to do my own croissants make my own pasta, tortillas and last but not least up my coffee and latte art game.
I want to take my instagram in a whole new direction with much more lifestyle, interior design, food and just casual travel photos. I want to talk more about feelings, culture, politics, opinions, be more personal and real with little to no hiding or BS. The hunt for likes and followers is long gone. I want to bring my small Canon M50 with me much more, that’s why I bought it in the first place, I want to begin to shoot analogue, I want to get better shooting videos, and last I want to try to learn how to play piano. I used to play it when I was a kid, but I’ve forgotten everything. So I’m thinking about buying one of those semi small electric pianos you can plug into your Mac and start learning to play again.
Oh, and one last thing…. blogging I want to blog and share more of my everyday life, at least that’s how I feel it right now, but that can change. If I began to blog more what topics would you like that I wrote about? Comment below and let me know or slide into my DM’s on Instagram.
Doing what you want & mental health taboos
Over the last 9 months I really got a new view on life. I’ve experienced on a few occasions on my own body that as a man you are expected to be the strong individual that don’t show or talk about any kind of feelings and you just have to man up when life is showing you it’s darkest side. I couldn’t disagree more with that kind of mentality. It’s much healthier to be open and true to yourself and your surroundings. Mental health is a fucking big deal. It’s totally okay to be sad, it’s totally okay to cry, it’s totally okay to admit that you are nowhere near where you want to be in life, it’s totally okay to be unsure, it’s totally okay to say “No boss, I have too much work at the moment so I can’t do that”. If you don’t talk about your feelings when you are sad or stressed it won’t end well.
I see many of my friends, both male and female doing things they actually don’t want to do and then complaining afterwards. I really don’t get it… I think people have to be better at doing what they actually want, if you have agreed to see some friends on a Friday night but actually just feel like snuggle up alone on the couch with a bag of candy and Netflix, or see someone else, then it’s okay to call your friends and cancel, there is no point in doing things you don’t want to, just because you are expected to do it. If it’s real friends they will understand and accept.
Why do I need a new Apartment so badly?
Many of my friends don’t seem to get why I so badly want to move, but at the same time it’s taking me forever to find a new apartment. Lower your expectations and requirements they say. First, I want to address that when you actually buy an apartment that cost quite a lot, and without getting into my financial situation It’s a decent amount of money for my age group that I’m able to invest in an apartment, I of course have expectations and requirements! I’m not just gonna buy the first apartment for sale, it has to be the right one, the one that I can make my new home, the one that I can furnish the way I want, an apartment that’s future proof and just feels right. The market for apartments during fall and Christmas time is never good. Of course I had hoped that I would have found one sooner, but I’m not in a hurry. I can wait until the right one, the dream apartment goes for sale. But I really do need a new apartment. I’m in a place in my life where I really need to start on a fresh, at the moment my current apartment is kinda a negative space, but I’m trying to get the best out of it by buying some of the stuff such as plants that I otherwise would have waited buying until I moved to a new apartment and make it more of a positive space. Although I love walking the 4km to and from work and do it every day I’m looking forward to moving a bit closer to where things happens, closer to where my brother and his family lives. There are many of my ideas that I actually don’t have the space to execute. I know that I in my previous post said that “you are the one stopping you from doing what you want to do” and that is true most of the times, but sometimes you need changes to do what you want to do.
I use way to much time on Instagram, but it's there I get inspired and motivated to do better and leave my comfort zone. So I've put together a little list of photographers that inspires me or are just acing it at the moment. This section of the blog will be a monthly recurring, and I'll share some of the Photographers/instagrammers that inspired me during the month. If you have any suggestions, please comment below or slide into my DM’s on instagram.
Some of the podcast i’ve been listening to lately
Sidepsor (I’ve recommended it before but I really enjoy listening to Daniel & Sebastian talking about whatever)
New Perceptions Ben brown is a photographer, videographer and all around creative person talking about creativity, life, feelings, the environment and a lot more.
Just a few artist songs or albums that i’ve been listening a lot to lately.
I think that was it for December and 2018
Thanks for reading this far!
Happy new year!
2019 will be a good year!
Miss you mom! ❤️